Relationships offer love, happiness, support and stability, but they can also be challenging.
Most are only successful because both parties put the time and effort into making things right.
And while most of us would like to think we would always do what was needed to make things work with the person we love, that isn’t always the case.
A worrying number of people choose to look elsewhere when things get tough, even those who thought they would never cheat.
So would you always remain faithful?
The experts at Ashley Madison, the dating website for married people, have put together a quiz to test if you are likely to stray.
Relationship expert and psychotherapist Lucy Beresford says: “We are brought up with the fairy tale notion that a couple stays together monogamously forever, but increasingly people are finding that model frustrating.
“When they start to prioritise their sexual and emotional fulfilment, some people find themselves disrupting that model and as a result developing a different attitude towards monogamy.”
See how you get on…
1. How deep are your feelings for your partner?
a) I get butterflies in my stomach every time I see my partner. We are super in love. Cinderella is my role model!
b) My partner fulfils me less every day, and I feel rejected/abandoned. I stay with him/her partly out of fear of not finding anyone else, and partly because it’s comfortable. I’ve already stopped believing in Disney movies!
c) I am more excited to see the pizza delivery guy than my partner. I no longer feel the spark of love and the only thing we share is a large mortgage.
2. Life is very long – how realistic is it that your partner will meet 100% of your needs and desires, every day for the foreseeable future?
a) Absolutely – it’s like I’m living in a fairy tale! With time and a lot of effort, I will be able to make my partner my true Prince Charming.
b) My partner only meets about 50% of my desires and needs. Which makes me realise that there’s an awful lot of my needs that my partner cannot meet!
c) Hahaha who believes that? Of course not. The idea of a person meeting 100% of my needs for the rest of my life is impossible. I am not going to give up my partner or my lover. I’m worth more than that!
3. Infidelity comes in many guises. There are even several types of infidelity. Could you be tempted to be mentally unfaithful to your partner, or chat on WhatsApp with other people?
a) No, I have never allowed myself to think about other people. My behaviour makes a nun look naughty.
b) Yes, mentally I do find myself thinking of other people. For me, mental infidelity is the first step to physical betrayal.
c) Yes, I think of another person and WhatsApp with him / her on a daily basis. I have even started to fantasize about him/her while sleeping with my partner next to me.
4. It is often said, ‘where there was a fire there are ashes’… Do you miss an ex, or someone from your past?
a) No, I have grieved, and I have processed my previous relationship(s). It’s water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.
b) Yes, every day I compare my ex with my current boyfriend/girlfriend. If I could, I would have a passionate night with him/her. Why on earth did we break up?
c) Yes! I am going to get in touch with someone from my past, including my ex. I still have my flirty/raunchy side.
5. If you lived in a parallel universe, with no one to see, judge or catch you, and where there was no feeling of guilt or responsibility, where you could do whatever you want with no accountability – would you have an intense experience with someone other than your partner?
a) No, because I do not want to feel intense emotions. If I want an adrenaline rush, I’d rather go to an Amusement Park.
b) Yes, because after the first betrayal, the feeling of guilt disappears, and I can enjoy all the benefits that a third person gives me.
c) Yes, we only live once and I will not give up feeling alive. When I die I don’t want to regret what I never did. We all have to be happy first, in order to make others happy.
6. If you feel trapped, with a constant desire to run away in your relationship and you do not want to feel like this – could you see being unfaithful to your partner as a solution?
a) I have very rigid values that prevent me, although if I found out that my partner was unfaithful to me, I would feel very naive and think that I should have done it before.
b) I am thinking of being unfaithful to my partner. I don’t want to leave my relationship because it gives me emotional stability, but I want to feel desired by another person.
c) I will be unfaithful as soon as the opportunity arises. It is a feeling of adrenaline and desire in its purest form, I will not give it up!
7. Are you one of those who think that a soulmate exists, and that we all have someone in the world who completes us and makes us whole? Or would you consider having an open relationship?
a) I do believe in the idea of a soulmate so no, I could never have an open relationship, this is for very modern people. I am tortured by feelings of possessiveness and jealousy just thinking about it.
b) Yes, I believe you can love several people at the same time. Just like I can love many people at once like my father, my mother or my brothers. You could do the same on a romantic level too.
c) Yes, my partner and I have agreed to have sex outside of the relationship, and it has brought us closer together as a couple. It is like a spicy game between us that increases our desire.
8. What type of sexual personality do you have? Be honest, what is your sexual appetite? Do you love having sex every day/twice a week? Or is just once a month almost more than you can handle?
a) Sexual personality, who dreamt this up? I am happy with once a month.
b) Personality ‘The Hedonist’. I like to experiment and try new things. I have much less sex with my partner than I would like. In the end, I have to masturbate in order to have all the sexual satisfaction I need.
c) Personality ‘The Demanding’. I am confident of my sexuality and put a priority on my intimate needs. My partner cannot satisfy me in this area and I have started to become intimate with other people. I deserve to feel wanted. I put myself first, every day!
9. We need to feel loved, safe, listened to and desired by our partner. Do you feel satisfied in EVERYTHING?
a) Yes, 100%. I am very happy in my relationship.
b) No. I have stuck with my partner out of fear and low self-esteem. I am in the frustrating comfort zone. I don’t get what I want from my relationship.
c) No, my partner does not fill me in any of these areas. They do not give me affection, confidence or affirmation. This makes me feel terrible, empty, and alone. I’ll look outside.
10. Let’s consider a world in which you could never and in no way find out if your partner has been unfaithful to you. Do you think they would be?
a) Of course not. My partner is more faithful than penguins!
b) Maybe yes, but they say ‘curiosity killed the cat’ so I don’t go looking for trouble. If I find out, I would feel like a naive person and I would regret not having done it before him.
c) Yes. I bet my partner has cheated on me, on some trip or some other occasion. Still, I do not feel so bad since I have also been unfaithful to him.
11. Imagine that by some chance you were considering having an adventure by meeting someone outside your relationship, how would you choose to do it?
a) My riskiest daily adventure is checking my email spam while having a coffee.
b) By using the most popular social networks.
c) By using digital platforms specialising in relationships without commitment, I want something that guarantees discretion.
12. Protagonist, secondary role or filler, being frank with yourself – what role do you play in your own life?
a) I am not the protagonist of my own story. I don’t have experiences that make me feel alive. In the future I could regret not having enjoyed life more.
b) My vital motto would be: ‘Virtue is in the middle ground’. I tiptoe through life so as not to make a noise, I don’t like to attract attention. I’d love to stomp around, but I don’t dare.
c) I know who I am, I am not accountable to anyone and I am the author of my own life. I have the life I want, and I walk firmly, without hiding who I am. Even if a third person comes into my life, I allow myself to live that experience.
13. You have a stable partner, you are happy with your life and you do not change for anyone in this world. But suddenly… WHAM! A new person appears at your workplace that upends your life -You love each other and after several years you feel more alive than ever, what would you do?
a) I would quit the job.
b) I would try to keep him very close to me but without anything deep happening. I would encourage contact by WhatsApp until it got too complicated, then I would have to stop.
c) I would continue with my current partner and enjoy this exciting experience at the same time. Where do I sign up?
14. For you to be unfaithful, what does it mean?
a) Something I refuse to do, as I have such a strict moral code.
b) Something exciting that would make me feel alive.
c) Something that cannot be avoided. Sooner or later it will happen. Human beings are naturally polygamous and it is not healthy to fight against nature.
How count up your answers…
MAJORITY A RESPONSES – MONOGAMOUS PROFIL E
You are a romantic person, you believe in love and you do not consider being unfaithful to your partner.
It may be that you are in the initial infatuation stage, or that you have the utmost respect for the rules of a relationship.
You have a more passive and conservative profile. You don’t like getting out of your comfort zone.
You are anxious about taking risks and therefore you prefer to be faithful in your relationship.
MAJORITY B RESPONSES – ADVENTUROUS PROFILE
You are a person who likes risk and adventure. For some time you have been considering being unfaithful and want to try new experiences with third parties. You know that life is very short and you don’t want to continue wasting your energy in the wrong places.
You have sexual desire and you want to feel loved and desired. You don’t give up the essence of life.
MAJORITY C RESPONSES – UNFAITHFUL PROFILE
You are unfaithful and you know it!
You are clear that your relationship as a couple cannot cover 100% of all your needs.
You believe that you deserve the best of both worlds – the joy of a couple as well as having adventures – and you are not willing to give it up. You are the protagonist of your own life.
You take good care of yourself and your own happiness.