Most horrifying sex injuries – venomous spiders, lava lamps and 11

What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom – unless it all goes horrible wrong and you end up in A&E.

From grizzly injuries caused by ‘falling’ on objects to bizarre sex games with gruesome results, the doctors and nurses of the emergency room have seen it all.

And they’ve been sharing their toe-curling memories on reddit, leaving readers cringing with tales of when x-rated antics go bad…

Spiders bite

“Exotic, special-ordered venomous spider up the a**. Guy called an ambulance because he wasn’t sure if he could put bug bite cream up there too, as the packaging said ‘for external use only’.

Lost entire transverse section of (necrotic) bowel. Lived, but poops in a bag now.” – pepperbell

One man didn't listen to his spidey-senses
One man didn’t listen to his spidey-senses
(Image: age fotostock RM)

A tragic tail

“Mini lava lamp stuck in the rectum. Power cord was sticking out like a tail.” – sofatose

Got wood

“Dude stuck a pencil up his urethra. Wood is porous. It got stuck. For a day. He couldn’t pee around it, and initially that’s what his complaint was, urinary retention.

“Finally in the exam room when the doc asked him WTF with the eraser sticking out of his d*ck did the guy fess up.

“He ended up needing surgery. He was also 70ish. Old enough to know better.” – mamblepamble

Set in stone

“Uncle in law (anesthesiologist) had a patient come in that had poured concrete in his own a**, while trying to make a custom dildo. THEY HAD TO CHISEL THE CONCRETE OUT OF HIS RECTUM.” – rentaik

Patience is a virtue

“This 26 year-old decided to be circumcised. His doctor told him not to have sex. He didn’t listen. It peeled like a banana.” – l4wd0g

A half-peeled banana
The poor bloke will never look at a banana in the same way
(Image: Getty)

A painful lesson

“A guy who, after hearing his girlfriend had never been with anyone who was uncircumcised, took it upon himself to perform said circumcision… with boxcutters. He was in the OR within the hour getting the Twinkie put back into the package.” – now_she_is_dead

Holy guacamole

“Florida man came in with an avocado waaaay up there. After much lube and whatever they gave him to relax his body, the thing shot out like a cannonball and splatted against the wall.” – slap-a-bass.

Caught on a hook

“They didn’t have any of their usual toys in arms reach and she didn’t want to break to get them.

“She looks around the bathroom to see what’s there she can use, lands on the toilet bowl brush. Proceeds to stick the handle part up his a**, all is well until she tries to take it out.

“It was one of those brushes with a hook on the handle so you can hang it. She pulls it out and hooks on the side of his rectum and pulls some of his insides out with it and prolapses his rectum.” – pickmeacoolname

Absolutely stuffed

“Solo vehicle, solo occupant. Get to the vehicle and the driver had his pants open and a stuffed animal on his lap. He was having sex with a stuffed animal and it was so good, he lost control of his car.” – lifesnotfair2u

Crazy for carrots

“I’ve removed 7 full 11″ carrots from a guys a**. He [couldn’t] get an erection so his lady friend tried to stimulate his prostate. He had his prostate removed several years prior due to cancer.” – BigODetroit

An alarming attraction

Alarm clock
An alarm clock made an uncomfortable bed fellow for one man
(Image: Bob Powell)

“My friend’s dad is a radiologist and told this one. He said the OR admitted a guy for a foreign object in anus.

“They X rayed him and looked at the film and he saw something that kinda resembled Mickey Mouse – a circle with two smaller circles on top, like Mickey’s ears.

“It turns out it was a small old-timey alarm clock with the clock face and the two bells and the striker in between that the guy had wound and set to ring after he’d inserted it high up in the darkest of places.

“Mickey liked it there and didn’t want to come out.” – hansblixjnr

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